When I came here in the US on the 3rd of July of 2008, I didn’t know exactly what God’s plans for me are. I just knew it was His will for me to be here, that’s why I got a visa, and so I thought my own plans will work out the way I want them to.
But things didn’t come easy for me. I had to do odd jobS…I had to experience heartbreakS (yes, that’s plural too)...felt weak, unable and hopeless many times.
I always say that I get what I want. But here’s the exact truth: What Jam wants, Jam doesn't always get...
And I’ve learned why.
That is because, sometimes, my Father wants something better for me. It’s true that He never says no to me.* Actually, He simply wants what's best for me! So whenever I settle for something average, or when I resort to mediocrity due to lack of self-confidence, He always comes to the rescue. All these years in my life, I've learned, and continue to learn, that I can do anything and everything, with God who strengthens me. It took some time before I truly believed in myself. It took a lot of good talking and motivating from the people who love me, and believe in me, before I truly claimed that, in the words of a good friend of mine, I was born to excel!
For the past 2 years that I’ve been here, there’s so much to be thankful for. God hasn’t stopped blessing me, so I haven’t stopped counting the blessings either. Let me, again, continue counting.**
Since I set foot here, I went from…
…being jobless…to doing odd jobs…and now, to doing the work that I love most…and that is teaching!
…tourist visa…to student visa…to working visa…and soon, God-willingly, to immigrant visa!
…being a proud aunt for the first time (Leon)…for the second time (Franchesca a.k.a. Odany)…and in a few more months, for the third time (no name yet)! ;j
…being engaged…to being single…to being able to move on…to being in love again…to being hurt again…and to moving on again. At least I know that I can always get up after a fall.
Plus!
I am still able to help my family, no matter how meager my salary is. And, I am actually working on and looking forward to a lot of things, one of which is going back to school.
What a good year it was! :j
Yes, I don’t always get just what I want…
Because I always get more…pressed down, shaken together and running over! :) And I have a very generous Father to thank for all the blessings. :j
* http://jamhernandez.blogspot.com/2010/04/how-do-you-know-if-its-no.html
** http://jamhernandez.blogspot.com/2009/07/big-1.html
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
A Big Heart for Sc**t
I have long been thinking of a title for something that I wanted to write about for quite sometime now. However, just because I couldn’t think of a way to finish my title, I also couldn’t start writing anything about it. I couldn’t organize my thoughts and couldn’t find the urge to actually put them in writing. Little did I know, that the person (I mean the little person) whom I wanted to write about is just the answer that I was looking for…Perfect!
That's Sc**t.
Nobody loves him...(it seems in school that is...)
But me.
He came to my class in January of this year. The teacher of the other class has been trying to get rid of him for the longest time and my assistant even warned me about him, and begged not to take him.
Still, I did.
A week or two has just passed since he came to my room, and he was already in danger of going back to his previous group because according to my directress, he wasn’t ready to be in my class, emotionally. He knows his stuff and is even better than those who are already in my class since the school year started. His academic ability wasn’t a problem. His behavior was. As expected, his parents were called in for a meeting and lo and behold, they are even worse of a problem than Sc**t was. Long story short, they were in denial and to a certain extent, blamed us all (yes, no one in the school was spared) for their son’s behavior.
The week after, Sc**t was absent. And when he came back, it was as if he was a different kid, at least for me. I don’t know what it was, but I saw something good in him that made me love him in an instant. He actually isn’t a brat (because that, I can’t stand yet!). I can’t really tell specifically, but somehow, I see his desire to be loved by everyone, and that he just needs someone’s loving and caring attention, and he’d obey.
My assistant still can’t stand him, but I’d trade him for no one in my class. I’m not playing favorites, but among those problem kids in my class, he’s my baby. And whenever I say this, my co-workers would either make a face or look perplexed, as if saying, “Are you out of your mind, Ms. Jam?!” And my assistant? Oh, she's disgusted (and at the same time, thankful because I said I’ll take charge of Sc**t).
I know Sc**t wouldn’t understand, but through my actions and the way I deal with him, I always say thank you. More than anything else, I thank Sc**t (and the others too, who are just like him) for giving me a lot of reasons to love this profession…for giving me another sense of fulfillment…and for making me feel that I am really cut to be an educator.
Now, I need to get back to working on my lesson plan. I’m only halfway done and it needs to be submitted tomorrow. But I worry not, because tomorrow doesn’t only mean work…it also means another day to spend with my students...another day of being a “mother”…and another opportunity for me to open my heart, not only for Sc**t, but yeah, hopefully even for those tiny little brats.
A big heart for the brat? Why not?
(written: March 21,2010)
That's Sc**t.
Nobody loves him...(it seems in school that is...)
But me.
He came to my class in January of this year. The teacher of the other class has been trying to get rid of him for the longest time and my assistant even warned me about him, and begged not to take him.
Still, I did.
A week or two has just passed since he came to my room, and he was already in danger of going back to his previous group because according to my directress, he wasn’t ready to be in my class, emotionally. He knows his stuff and is even better than those who are already in my class since the school year started. His academic ability wasn’t a problem. His behavior was. As expected, his parents were called in for a meeting and lo and behold, they are even worse of a problem than Sc**t was. Long story short, they were in denial and to a certain extent, blamed us all (yes, no one in the school was spared) for their son’s behavior.
The week after, Sc**t was absent. And when he came back, it was as if he was a different kid, at least for me. I don’t know what it was, but I saw something good in him that made me love him in an instant. He actually isn’t a brat (because that, I can’t stand yet!). I can’t really tell specifically, but somehow, I see his desire to be loved by everyone, and that he just needs someone’s loving and caring attention, and he’d obey.
My assistant still can’t stand him, but I’d trade him for no one in my class. I’m not playing favorites, but among those problem kids in my class, he’s my baby. And whenever I say this, my co-workers would either make a face or look perplexed, as if saying, “Are you out of your mind, Ms. Jam?!” And my assistant? Oh, she's disgusted (and at the same time, thankful because I said I’ll take charge of Sc**t).
I know Sc**t wouldn’t understand, but through my actions and the way I deal with him, I always say thank you. More than anything else, I thank Sc**t (and the others too, who are just like him) for giving me a lot of reasons to love this profession…for giving me another sense of fulfillment…and for making me feel that I am really cut to be an educator.
Now, I need to get back to working on my lesson plan. I’m only halfway done and it needs to be submitted tomorrow. But I worry not, because tomorrow doesn’t only mean work…it also means another day to spend with my students...another day of being a “mother”…and another opportunity for me to open my heart, not only for Sc**t, but yeah, hopefully even for those tiny little brats.
A big heart for the brat? Why not?
(written: March 21,2010)
Friday, June 25, 2010
Just speak straight from the heart...
One of the things that I fear doing most is giving a speech in front of many people. I can talk the whole day in front of the kids and do silly things with them, oblivious to whoever is watching. But to speak on stage to an adult audience...oh please! I abhor it! I know it’s ironic because I’m a teacher. I remember telling my coordinator back when I was still teaching in the Philippines, when asked to emcee for a school event, that I’d rather sing or dance, than speak on stage, in front of many people.
So I guess you wouldn’t be surprised that it scared the hell out of me (pardon the choice of words!), when I was asked to give a speech today, being the head teacher of the graduating students of our school. Oh, and as if giving speech itself is not nerve-wracking enough for me, I was just informed about it, like, two hours before we were supposed to be at the venue! All I could mutter was, darn it!
And so left without a choice, I immediately grabbed a pen and a scratch paper, and started writing. Had I been informed earlier, I would have at least googled sample speeches, just to get an idea of what I should tell the graduates, the other students, and all their parents. Because FYI, I was one of those who weren’t listening when speeches were delivered during my elementary, high school and college graduations. And so in-between lunch and dressing up for the occasion, I tried my best to look back to the months that have passed, and see whether there is something worth-mentioning. I’m kidding! Of course there’s a lot to say! It’s just that I can’t think properly when I’m nervous, with knees trembling, heart pounding and stomach aching (for sure you know the feeling!).
Hours passed just like that, and I was able to finish writing. I am just glad that despite the sweat in every corner of my body, and nervousness consuming me, I didn’t pass out on stage. Actually, what made me feel really good up there was the sight of parents applauding, smiling and crying. All those washed away my fears and anxieties that very moment. Let me share with you, my dear friends, the first ever speech I delivered as the head teacher of the graduating students of 2010.
***
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Today marks a new beginning for the graduating students of 2010 of Rainbow Kiddie Academy.
I can say that it has been a very fulfilling year, not only for the kids, but most of all, for us teachers too, especially for me. Looking back, to be honest with you, when I first stepped into the classroom, I was really really excited, but at the same time, really really nervous also of what these seemingly innocent little kids could do to me. True enough, every single day in the classroom is a new experience for me and my fellow teachers. There had been good and bad days, and the in-betweens, but what keeps me loving my work and what makes me look forward to going to work each day also, are the valuable lessons that I will learn from MY kids...OUR kids. Yes, I’m sorry parents, but they’re mine, Ms. Carmen’s and Ms. Ana’s, 8-6pm, Mondays thru Fridays. They’re OUR babies.
These kids really are smart and full of potentials. It is our duty now, teachers and parents, to help unlock those potentials and help them be productive and responsible, not only as children, but most of all, productive and responsible citizens of this country. They may be just kids and they may be learning what we think are just simple things such as tying their shoe laces, holding a pencil or going potty on their own, but all these are essential in their development.
Indeed, it wasn’t an easy work for all of us, including you, parents. But I am very very proud to say that I have been a witness...I have seen great improvements in all of these kids. No matter how challenging and hard it was to deal with all of them all at once, seeing them learn and change for the better bring so much fulfillment already. And for sure, you parents are even prouder than I already am. So today, I give out this invitation to everyone...Let’s continue to work together for the cause of these children.
Once again, congratulations to the future of this country, the graduating students of 2010. God bless you all in all your endeavors.
***
For some reasons, I felt good after I delivered my speech. It felt even better to be told by the parents afterwards, that with what I said, I made the school look beautiful in their eyes. And it brought me to high heavens to hear that it’s us, teachers, who make them want to enroll their kids again next school year (if not for the tuition fee which is too much for them). Well, it doesn’t matter anymore if they’re just trying to cajole or sweet-talk me into giving their kids more awards next time. What matters most is that, I was able to tell them what I really feel. My co-teacher even asked me if I really meant it when I said I look forward to going to work each day. Of course I do! Weird as it may seem, but I really do.
Come to think of it, had I been told earlier that I’ll be giving a speech, I would have borrowed other people’s words, just to make it formal and pleasing to my listeners’ ears. But truly, there’s really nothing even better than to speak from the heart. I’m just glad I did. But next time, I’d appreciate it, I guess, if I would be told in advance. Better yet, I’d really appreciate it, and I’d be fine, if I wouldn’t be asked anymore to do any talking.
Ms. Jam
Head Teacher
Rainbow Kiddie Academy
Yellow Room
S.Y. 2009-2010
So I guess you wouldn’t be surprised that it scared the hell out of me (pardon the choice of words!), when I was asked to give a speech today, being the head teacher of the graduating students of our school. Oh, and as if giving speech itself is not nerve-wracking enough for me, I was just informed about it, like, two hours before we were supposed to be at the venue! All I could mutter was, darn it!
And so left without a choice, I immediately grabbed a pen and a scratch paper, and started writing. Had I been informed earlier, I would have at least googled sample speeches, just to get an idea of what I should tell the graduates, the other students, and all their parents. Because FYI, I was one of those who weren’t listening when speeches were delivered during my elementary, high school and college graduations. And so in-between lunch and dressing up for the occasion, I tried my best to look back to the months that have passed, and see whether there is something worth-mentioning. I’m kidding! Of course there’s a lot to say! It’s just that I can’t think properly when I’m nervous, with knees trembling, heart pounding and stomach aching (for sure you know the feeling!).
Hours passed just like that, and I was able to finish writing. I am just glad that despite the sweat in every corner of my body, and nervousness consuming me, I didn’t pass out on stage. Actually, what made me feel really good up there was the sight of parents applauding, smiling and crying. All those washed away my fears and anxieties that very moment. Let me share with you, my dear friends, the first ever speech I delivered as the head teacher of the graduating students of 2010.
***
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Today marks a new beginning for the graduating students of 2010 of Rainbow Kiddie Academy.
I can say that it has been a very fulfilling year, not only for the kids, but most of all, for us teachers too, especially for me. Looking back, to be honest with you, when I first stepped into the classroom, I was really really excited, but at the same time, really really nervous also of what these seemingly innocent little kids could do to me. True enough, every single day in the classroom is a new experience for me and my fellow teachers. There had been good and bad days, and the in-betweens, but what keeps me loving my work and what makes me look forward to going to work each day also, are the valuable lessons that I will learn from MY kids...OUR kids. Yes, I’m sorry parents, but they’re mine, Ms. Carmen’s and Ms. Ana’s, 8-6pm, Mondays thru Fridays. They’re OUR babies.
These kids really are smart and full of potentials. It is our duty now, teachers and parents, to help unlock those potentials and help them be productive and responsible, not only as children, but most of all, productive and responsible citizens of this country. They may be just kids and they may be learning what we think are just simple things such as tying their shoe laces, holding a pencil or going potty on their own, but all these are essential in their development.
Indeed, it wasn’t an easy work for all of us, including you, parents. But I am very very proud to say that I have been a witness...I have seen great improvements in all of these kids. No matter how challenging and hard it was to deal with all of them all at once, seeing them learn and change for the better bring so much fulfillment already. And for sure, you parents are even prouder than I already am. So today, I give out this invitation to everyone...Let’s continue to work together for the cause of these children.
Once again, congratulations to the future of this country, the graduating students of 2010. God bless you all in all your endeavors.
***
For some reasons, I felt good after I delivered my speech. It felt even better to be told by the parents afterwards, that with what I said, I made the school look beautiful in their eyes. And it brought me to high heavens to hear that it’s us, teachers, who make them want to enroll their kids again next school year (if not for the tuition fee which is too much for them). Well, it doesn’t matter anymore if they’re just trying to cajole or sweet-talk me into giving their kids more awards next time. What matters most is that, I was able to tell them what I really feel. My co-teacher even asked me if I really meant it when I said I look forward to going to work each day. Of course I do! Weird as it may seem, but I really do.
Come to think of it, had I been told earlier that I’ll be giving a speech, I would have borrowed other people’s words, just to make it formal and pleasing to my listeners’ ears. But truly, there’s really nothing even better than to speak from the heart. I’m just glad I did. But next time, I’d appreciate it, I guess, if I would be told in advance. Better yet, I’d really appreciate it, and I’d be fine, if I wouldn’t be asked anymore to do any talking.
Ms. Jam
Head Teacher
Rainbow Kiddie Academy
Yellow Room
S.Y. 2009-2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
How do you know if it's a "NO"?
I pray to God for anything and everything. Simple or complicated, I know God doesn’t mind. He wants it better when we run to Him for help and for comfort.
Sometimes, some of the things that happen in our life are contrary to what we’ve been praying for. When things don’t turn out the way we want them to, should we still be persistent in prayer? When and how do we know if God is already saying... “NO...NO...NO”?
Today’s reading says that we, adults, are no longer like kids, who are very pushy when they want to get something. Kids are indeed very persistent. My students would repeatedly and ceaselessly ask me for lots and lots of things (sometimes, every second –seriously! just to get what they want!)... Ms. Jam, can I go play again? Ms. Jam, can we go to the park? Ms. Jam, can I have more cookies? Ms. Jam, can I do this? Ms. Jam, can I do that? Ms. Jam...Ms. Jam...Ms.Jam!
Sometimes, they get me to concede. I give in because they just won’t stop...
Is God like that? Would He eventually concede if I insist on getting what I want?
To quote Bo Sanchez: "The universe adjusts to your expectations. If you expect nothing, you get nothing. Ask. Not for a bit. Not for a little. Ask for a double portion!"
That’s why I haven’t given up on my prayers. That’s why I haven’t truly let go of some of the things in my life right now. That’s why I continue to hope, to plan, to aspire, to dream, and to love. It is because I know that God is always listening. He never says "no" to me… He simply answers my prayers in a way that’s best for me.
Sometimes, some of the things that happen in our life are contrary to what we’ve been praying for. When things don’t turn out the way we want them to, should we still be persistent in prayer? When and how do we know if God is already saying... “NO...NO...NO”?
Today’s reading says that we, adults, are no longer like kids, who are very pushy when they want to get something. Kids are indeed very persistent. My students would repeatedly and ceaselessly ask me for lots and lots of things (sometimes, every second –seriously! just to get what they want!)... Ms. Jam, can I go play again? Ms. Jam, can we go to the park? Ms. Jam, can I have more cookies? Ms. Jam, can I do this? Ms. Jam, can I do that? Ms. Jam...Ms. Jam...Ms.Jam!
Sometimes, they get me to concede. I give in because they just won’t stop...
Is God like that? Would He eventually concede if I insist on getting what I want?
To quote Bo Sanchez: "The universe adjusts to your expectations. If you expect nothing, you get nothing. Ask. Not for a bit. Not for a little. Ask for a double portion!"
That’s why I haven’t given up on my prayers. That’s why I haven’t truly let go of some of the things in my life right now. That’s why I continue to hope, to plan, to aspire, to dream, and to love. It is because I know that God is always listening. He never says "no" to me… He simply answers my prayers in a way that’s best for me.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The year that was…
Just as I was busy working on my lesson plan, memories of the year that was, kept flashing in my mind. And just as I was trying my very best to start anew with my life, people and things are just there to take me back to the year that has gone by.
It was a good thing that there’s also always something there to remind me that there is a tomorrow to look forward to…
“As the New Year approaches, there will be questions and challenges that will confront us. Many times we won’t know the exact result but uncertainty should not stop us from following the Lord. After all, He’s the One who can see how all things will end”…
These were lines from today’s reading which sums up the way we all should think as the year comes to a close. It very well reminds me that I have been blessed and will continuously be, in the years to come.
The past year has been so beautiful that I could not complain about the hurts that I’ve felt and the pains that I’ve gone through along the way. With complete faith and trust in Him, I am assured all things will end beautifully.
A blessed 2010 to everyone…
It was a good thing that there’s also always something there to remind me that there is a tomorrow to look forward to…
“As the New Year approaches, there will be questions and challenges that will confront us. Many times we won’t know the exact result but uncertainty should not stop us from following the Lord. After all, He’s the One who can see how all things will end”…
These were lines from today’s reading which sums up the way we all should think as the year comes to a close. It very well reminds me that I have been blessed and will continuously be, in the years to come.
The past year has been so beautiful that I could not complain about the hurts that I’ve felt and the pains that I’ve gone through along the way. With complete faith and trust in Him, I am assured all things will end beautifully.
A blessed 2010 to everyone…
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