As I write this, my eyes are still heavy and puffy due to crying. If I remember it right, the last time I cried this hard was when I got my heart broken. Today was different. I cried, not because I was hurt, but because I felt renewed and rejuvenated, and most of all because my heart was made whole... I, was made whole.
I still have problems, fears and worries, but as I received the Holy Spirit today, I allowed the Lord to take over my life. It was an amazing experience and at the same time, it was so humbling, refreshing, restorative and strengthening. I didn’t expect to be so emotional as I was prayed over by the people in my SFL-NY community. The moment my household leader mentioned that I was there to commit myself to the Lord, tears started to run down my face. I didn’t know why, but I claimed that it was the Holy Spirit working within me. I cried for a good 30 or 45 minutes, and while still praying on my own afterwards, I felt and realized that the tears are the hurts and pains I have kept in my heart all this time, and God is taking all of them away.
Truly, He gives us more than what we ask for, what we need, and what we deserve. I just wanted to be of service to Him, through my service in the community, as my way of giving back whatever blessings He has showered me with, and yet, He even gave me profits when I have just started!
Isn't that just awesome?! :j
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Lost and found...Found and lost...
She was in oblivion, trying to find the perfect Valentines’ day card in a vast, not to mention, dizzying array of greeting cards on the rack, when a familiar song suddenly played in the background...
“Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I found is too good to be true…”
She has been constantly and repeatedly listening to that song in her iPod for weeks now, but still it never fails to make her heart leap whenever she hears it. It amazed her that of all the songs that could possibly be played, she would hear this particular song that very moment! This time, she smiled more than ever, with the thought that everything in the universe seems to conspire and tell her that things will happen her way…
“Let them say we’re (maybe she is!) crazy
I don’t care about that…
…And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing’s gonna stop us (or only her) now…”
Valentines’ day is still a month away but the love-struck gal is already planning to send a love note to the one she thinks is God’s gift to her. She just wants it to get to him just in time for the occasion, and being that the east, where he is, is thousands of miles away from the west, where she is, things have to be done way too advanced.
Okay...
The truth of the matter is that…she doesn’t know exactly where to send it. Mind you, she is not only love-struck as I initially described her... she is a hopeless romantic, love-struck individual who finds meaning in everything (and every song!), and believes that if it’s meant to be, love will always find its way…(when the clouds have no silver lining?!)…Did I just mention she finds meaning in every song?
No, she doesn’t know his exact address. She only knows the name of the company where he works for. So with the help of google search engine, she tried to search for the address of the company only to find out that the company has a lot of branch offices, not to mention project sites in that country where he is.
Uncertain of the address, but certain of her love for him, she mailed the card anyway. It didn’t make her feel more certain when she had to pay only 89cents at the post office.
“I’m sorry, did you say 89 cents? Are you sure? I’m sending it to the middle east. You know that, right?”, she asked the lady behind the window.
“Yes, 89 cents.”, she replied.
So with a lack of absolute certainty, she paid for it, dropped it in the mailbox and left. She was excited about it and never told the object of her affection because she wanted to surprise him.
Valentines’ day came...and passed, and she didn’t hear even a simple thank you from him. It’s not because he was ungrateful, nor indifferent, but, she just had to assume her love just “didn’t find its way.”
Weeks passed and she finally couldn’t help but ask him about it.
She was right. He never received anything. She didn’t want to think that they’re not meant to be, so she simply shrugged off the idea and continued to believe that soon, they’ll be together as planned.
Everything went fine as the weeks and months passed, until slowly, things started to change…no more everyday long distance calls...no more long emails... and weeks would even pass without a word from him.
Little by little, she felt things are falling apart, until one day, she just felt hat it was time for her to move on…the second time around.
No, there was no commitment between them, though it seemed there was. No strings attached, as they both say.
It was not a change of heart for any of them. She still loves him, but she had to let go because it was the right thing to do. And for him, it wasn’t actually a change of heart. He just had to go back to where his heart really was all these time. She believed he loved her, but maybe not the way she loved him, for he loves someone else more. Consequently, she tried to accept the truth, not because she wanted to, but because she had to, and decided to let go, without asking for any explanations. She did hope for the best, but was ready also to expect the worst from the very beginning.
Let go, before it hurts even more…her heart and mind told her.
And so she did.
They remained friends after all that has happened. He is more than happy and in love with someone else now, while she, though still hasn’t found someone, wakes up every morning feeling so blessed and still full of love in her heart. She finally realized that he was brought to her life again (after more than four years) for a reason. The reason was actually not to break her heart, but more of to make it whole once again. He helped her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and start anew, just when she needed it most.
She believes ex-lovers can’t be friends. They were never lovers...at least not officially. So they can still be friends. And they did stay as good friends, maybe not in love, but in God.
And the card? It wouldn’t be a story of a message in a bottle...of a love lost and found…because after almost 10 months, he finally received it.
No, she didn’t give it a new meaning anymore.
It was nothing but a story of a card lost, and found when the love was already lost.
“Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I found is too good to be true…”
She has been constantly and repeatedly listening to that song in her iPod for weeks now, but still it never fails to make her heart leap whenever she hears it. It amazed her that of all the songs that could possibly be played, she would hear this particular song that very moment! This time, she smiled more than ever, with the thought that everything in the universe seems to conspire and tell her that things will happen her way…
“Let them say we’re (maybe she is!) crazy
I don’t care about that…
…And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing’s gonna stop us (or only her) now…”
Valentines’ day is still a month away but the love-struck gal is already planning to send a love note to the one she thinks is God’s gift to her. She just wants it to get to him just in time for the occasion, and being that the east, where he is, is thousands of miles away from the west, where she is, things have to be done way too advanced.
Okay...
The truth of the matter is that…she doesn’t know exactly where to send it. Mind you, she is not only love-struck as I initially described her... she is a hopeless romantic, love-struck individual who finds meaning in everything (and every song!), and believes that if it’s meant to be, love will always find its way…(when the clouds have no silver lining?!)…Did I just mention she finds meaning in every song?
No, she doesn’t know his exact address. She only knows the name of the company where he works for. So with the help of google search engine, she tried to search for the address of the company only to find out that the company has a lot of branch offices, not to mention project sites in that country where he is.
Uncertain of the address, but certain of her love for him, she mailed the card anyway. It didn’t make her feel more certain when she had to pay only 89cents at the post office.
“I’m sorry, did you say 89 cents? Are you sure? I’m sending it to the middle east. You know that, right?”, she asked the lady behind the window.
“Yes, 89 cents.”, she replied.
So with a lack of absolute certainty, she paid for it, dropped it in the mailbox and left. She was excited about it and never told the object of her affection because she wanted to surprise him.
Valentines’ day came...and passed, and she didn’t hear even a simple thank you from him. It’s not because he was ungrateful, nor indifferent, but, she just had to assume her love just “didn’t find its way.”
Weeks passed and she finally couldn’t help but ask him about it.
She was right. He never received anything. She didn’t want to think that they’re not meant to be, so she simply shrugged off the idea and continued to believe that soon, they’ll be together as planned.
Everything went fine as the weeks and months passed, until slowly, things started to change…no more everyday long distance calls...no more long emails... and weeks would even pass without a word from him.
Little by little, she felt things are falling apart, until one day, she just felt hat it was time for her to move on…the second time around.
No, there was no commitment between them, though it seemed there was. No strings attached, as they both say.
It was not a change of heart for any of them. She still loves him, but she had to let go because it was the right thing to do. And for him, it wasn’t actually a change of heart. He just had to go back to where his heart really was all these time. She believed he loved her, but maybe not the way she loved him, for he loves someone else more. Consequently, she tried to accept the truth, not because she wanted to, but because she had to, and decided to let go, without asking for any explanations. She did hope for the best, but was ready also to expect the worst from the very beginning.
Let go, before it hurts even more…her heart and mind told her.
And so she did.
They remained friends after all that has happened. He is more than happy and in love with someone else now, while she, though still hasn’t found someone, wakes up every morning feeling so blessed and still full of love in her heart. She finally realized that he was brought to her life again (after more than four years) for a reason. The reason was actually not to break her heart, but more of to make it whole once again. He helped her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and start anew, just when she needed it most.
She believes ex-lovers can’t be friends. They were never lovers...at least not officially. So they can still be friends. And they did stay as good friends, maybe not in love, but in God.
And the card? It wouldn’t be a story of a message in a bottle...of a love lost and found…because after almost 10 months, he finally received it.
No, she didn’t give it a new meaning anymore.
It was nothing but a story of a card lost, and found when the love was already lost.
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