Jinx

I hope I’m not.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend told me about his plans of proposing to his Pinay girlfriend. He will be flying to Canada, where she is working, to propose on her birthday. I asked him how he’s going to do it and even gave him an idea - how he could make it even more special. Since he speaks English and maybe a couple of other languages, but Filipino, I offered to translate what he was planning to tell his girlfriend to my native language, which he thought to be a great idea.

Fast forward...

He did propose to her last Saturday in a very special and I should say, unique way, as he described to me what transpired. He also successfully delivered his speech in Filipino, with, of course, a little bit of help from his cue cards. Anyway, long story short, she accepted and agreed to marry him.

I thought everything was perfect until I heard the three-letter but dreadful word “BUT”... You wouldn’t want to hear this teeny tiny word especially after so many positive things because this very seemingly small word could ruin just about everything.

Nevertheless, I was just expecting (and hoping for) a minor setback. After all, he seemed just fine when we were just starting to talk. However, what he said next shocked me...

He just broke up with her this morning, when he was at the airport, waiting for his flight back to NY. It was, well, believe it or not, the girlfriend’s fault.

I felt sorry for what happened. And somehow, illogical and funny as it may seem, I felt sorry too because I thought, maybe, just maybe, I was a jinx. Mine once failed and it gets me into thinking, ‘he shouldn’t have told me of his plans!’ I have my own story of a fairy tale gone bad you know.

I know! It doesn’t follow! Of course I’m not totally serious. I’m just playing! I know this is silly. But well, friends…maybe it wouldn’t hurt not to tell me when you’re planning to propose to your special someone. Don’t even ask for my help nor accept advice or suggestions from me. Please. Do yourself a favor. There’s no harm if you won’t. You don’t want to be jinxed, do you? : j

-July 27, 2009-

Just for laughs

I’m almost 28… and clumsy.

‘Guess you don’t just outgrow clumsiness. Haha

I remember some of the funny (but painful!) instances that I demonstrated my gracefulness, in all the glory of ITS REVERSE.

As far as I can recall, one instance happened when I was still a naïve and innocent looking, not to mention single (since birth!), office girl strutting my stuff along Ayala Avenue on my way to my workplace on 6788. I used to wear an above the knee, pencil-cut butt hugging (as if I had a butt like J.Lo’s!) skirt as a uniform. Can you imagine how dreadful it was for me (and for the other girls out there) to commute, chase after FX taxis and buses in Metro Manila, Mondays thru Thursdays. Oh how I just love Fridays! Anyway, the thing that happened to me didn’t come about while I was trying to catch a ride. It happened actually as soon as I alighted from the FX on Ayala Avenue cor. Paseo de Roxas. After getting off, I closed the door and the first and last thing I saw was an opening on the side of the road, then…BLAAAAG! I probably lost my balance, twisted my ankle, tripped and then fell to the ground. I had no idea what just happened to me! For one second I forgot who and where I was. But the moment I got back to my senses, I got up as quickly as I could, ignored my bleeding knees, and walked without looking back, as if nothing happened. Seriously, all that I was able to mutter to myself was, “kaya nyo yun?”

Next location, 6788 building. I was going to a client that day on my own. As always, I would wait for the company’s black Mercedes Benz car service (sosyal pa naman!) in the back entrance of the building. Walking out of the building full of poise and confidence, again, wearing my butt-hugging uniform and my 3-inch stiletto, I started to get down the stairs slowly and carefully. I wasn’t even on a rush so I just took my time. While getting down, I was actually asking myself, what if I fall down from here? What will I do? Will anyone help me? I wonder, it would be such a shame! No kidding, but I was actually thinking about that possibility during that time! And as if fate wanted to give me answers, can you guess what happened next? Yes, from the 3rd or 4th step (do you still expect me to remember?!) of a probably 10-step staircase, I fell aaaall the way down. It rocked my world big time! I just saw the guard running towards my direction. And even before he could help me, I was back on my feet. All that he was able to say was, “Ang bilis ni ma’am ah!” I just laughed, but deep inside I was soooooo embarrassed. Who wouldn’t be?

And last but not the least, who would have thought I can’t be clumsy in NY?! It actually just happened about an hour ago. I came home late, around 10:30 PM, and as usual, when I got off the bus, I started to search for my cellphone in my “sizeable” bag, just to be ready, in case. I was quite in a hurry because there were no other people on the street and I had to walk about 3 blocks. Then suddenly, KABLAG! I fell to the ground (again?!) and hurt my elbow, knees and my toes. Luckily, there was no wound! Just plain scratches. I was still holding on to my belongings, which were actually the first things that came to my mind... “oh, my laptop...my Nine West bag...I hope they didn’t have any scratch… hahaha (my 3-year old cellphone wasn’t much of a concern though). I was just relieved to see when I turned back that no one was following me, and no one actually saw me! I was even thankful that I have already passed by the house which I believe has a security camera, because it lights up on the outside whenever someone passes by. Otherwise, my bloopers would have been probably caught on cam!

Haaayyyy... I can only go back to these blunders and laugh at myself…

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” ~Kurt Vonnegut

All Geared Up

It’s amazing how God works in mysterious but truly wonderful and beautiful ways. In life, we just have to entrust our life to Him and He will take charge of everything.­

No matter how strong, smart intelligent or capable we think we are, there will come a time that we will feel weak, unable and hopeless. Just recently, I felt I hit rock bottom. I found the strength and the willpower to rise above everything when I realized I just have to surrender everything to God. I do have faith in Him; but because of what I have already achieved in life and what I have become through the years, I sort of have that pride which prevents me from completely admitting that I do have weaknesses and that I may fail still in this journey called life. This seemed to be hard for me especially when people around me expect too much from me. I have created this wall that no one can see through me. All they see is the strong and able me.­

Being where I am right now brought me into the biggest realization I ever had. I felt depressed, stressed and almost a failure. I almost gave up my dreams and decided to just go back to the life I had before. It’s not that it’s dreadful or that unpleasant. It’s just harder than where I am right now, and going back to that, I feel, would make me give up some of what I think are far-fetched, but achievable dreams of mine. And should I decide to still pursue them would be quite a long and laborious journey.

The storm has passed, and I am just taking the drizzly weather in stride. I know that storms do come and go, but I know I can endure whatever it is that the seasons in my life would bring, especially when I am assured that God is there to provide me with a proper and complete gear all the time – may it be an umbrella on a rainy and stormy day, a thick jacket during the cold weather, or even boots to take the hard walk on snow during the winter season. Because through it all, God wants us, His children, to enjoy the beauty of the flowers and the trees that bloom in springtime, and the warmth and laughter that the sunshine brings in summer time.

Big 1

This was the very same day that I left the Philippines a year ago.

Even before I was able to set foot in the airport, it already dawned on me that things will never be the same again. Nothing was certain…nothing was clear. I left with nothing but hope and my deep prayers in hand.

For the first time, I was at the airport last year, not as a well-wisher, but the one being sent away. It was hard to leave because I would be leaving the life that I used to have for 27 years of my life. I would be thousands of miles away from my family and loved ones, indefinitely. I left everything behind to fulfill my so-called American dream. To add more drama into it, I got engaged in the middle of people lining up to get their passports and tickets checked at the entrance of the airport.

A year has just passed…

I’ve been through so many ups and downs.
I’ve been sick and well.
I went from engaged to being single.
I’ve been happy and sad.

But most important of all, I was blessed just tremendously. Let me count some of my blessings here:

I used to be jobless, but now, I have work even on weekends.

I went from tourist, to student, and soon, God-willingly, to working visa.

I have my very adorable, smart, and fun-loving, not to mention handsome nephew, Leon, who never fails to lift me up with his very contagious and jaw-locking smile and laughter.

Free board and lodging all this time in NY! Thanks to my sis and bro-in-law, from whom Leon inherited his good looks (ahem..)

I am able to help my family little by little. God also made me able to send Daf to school.

I am continuously improving myself in a lot of ways.

I am given the wonderful opportunity to experience life here in the so-called land of milk and honey, and see for myself if the grass is really greener here on this side.

And the list goes on and on and on... These and so much more are reasons enough to be grateful to the Lord.

"1" is such a big number for me.

There’s just so much in one... so much blessings in just one year.