Wait...fall in...fall out of...look for...
We do all these for love. I…have done all these for love.
Isn't it tiring? I say it’s not. No matter how painful the last heartbreak is, we still continuously yearn for love. And honestly, I do. Who doesn't? I guess only those who already found it.
The last one I had, which was my first heartbreak too, was both easy and hard for me to handle. The distance in between and the time that has passed somehow made everything easier for me to come to grips with, but difficult, because of the questions that are left, and will remain unanswered.
No, I am not afraid to fall in love the second time around. I still haven't lost heart, coz if I do, I don't think I would still listen to hopeless romantic love songs, nor would I get twitterpated when I watch Pinoy teleseryes. I, in fact, miss the feeling of being in love. Whenever I see couples around, I would sometimes feel the need for someone to have and to hold. And how I long for a family of my own whenever I see what delight my nephew brings to everyone.
No, I don't feel desperate or hopeless yet (sa ganda kong 'to?!.....KIDDING!!!!) It's just probably one of those days when you're 28, and single, that you feel the clock ticking. It also doesn't help when friends and acquaintances get married or give birth left and right. Then again, this doesn't bother me a lot. As I said, it's just one of those days. I usually get through this state of "craziness", as my friend calls it, in a day or two.
I still want to do a lot of things in my life, like go back to school to finish my master's degree, put up my own school, buy my own house, and continue helping the family. The list could go on and on and on...but I should slow down, stop, and think once in a while; otherwise, I might let the opportunity for love pass without even noticing it because I was too busy achieving my goals.
Right now, I'm waiting, and at the same time looking for the right one. I waited 23 years before I finally opened my heart to someone for the first time. I guess it wouldn't hurt if I wait again, not for another 23 years (oh please!), but a little…well actually, a lot shorter, I pray! :j
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Just What I Wanted
Until now I still get a lot of realizations in terms of my chosen profession. It's as if my love for my work and happiness that I feel right now are not enough, I'm still constantly presented with a lot of reasons that keep my passion for teaching burning. Sometimes, (well,fine...most of the time!) I find myself exuberant whenever I talk about my work and experiences in my own little world..my classroom...just like now...!
My most recent realization was how teaching fulfills all my childhood dream jobs in certain ways. I guess in this profession, I can be everything I want. Wonderin' how's that possible?
For one, I used to dream of being on those pencil-cut skirt, blouse, blazer and scarf, pulling my own little luggage, walking past the passengers who are lined up to board the aircraft. But why be away from family for a flight duty when I can be the flight attendant in my own classroom...or even be the pilot! I am also up on my feet the whole day, developing the same amount of varicose veins as I would 30,000 ft up in the air, just so I can attend to all the needs of my passengers - my students. I used to do this with full make up on (because we were required to) while donning 3-inch stiletto heels. But I’d rather be on flats now just to save myself from more leg pains, which, by the way, I am already experiencing at my "young" age!
And who needs 4 grueling years in the university just to learn how to keep track of financial accounts? Definitely not me! In the first place, with my meager salary, there's not much accounting to do. But seriously, I once proved that I can be an accountant and do simple accounting when I had to handle all the financial aspects of my now defunct tutorial service business. No, it didn't close because of my poor accounting skills. It was because I went here in the US (to live the so-called American dream.) Then again, I can still practice my math skills in teaching when I compute grades! And yes, I do teach math...kindergarten math that is. I love math! But I was just not trained to teach it. So better leave it to the experts. What do you expect? I only had one math subject in my entire 4 years in the university.
Then comes my biggest frustration of all...to be a singer! Yes, I once dreamed of performing on stage belting out Celine Dion hits (just kidding! coz that is way too ambitious of me!) But yeah, seriously, I had my fair share of hilarious stories on how far I went just so I could pursue a career in singing - from voice workshops, band auditions to almost competing with Sarah Geronimo on stage(of course I’m kidding again because I never even made it to the elimination week for I was not fortunate enough to be chosen as one of the four from among those who passed the 2-day audition...but at least I passed!hehe) Anyway, going back, I now know why God gave me a singing voice though He didn't want me to be in showbiz after all. :) First and foremost, He knows I can't handle intrigues! hehe…No... Seriously, I believe I was given the knack (alright, the love...) for singing because I can very well utilize it in the classroom. I now not only sing to my heart's desire... I also dance to the kids' delight! I find myself every morning now singing the Star Spangled Banner the loudest, with feelings, and all the other kiddie songs while my audience (the kids) are having fun either by singing and dancing with me, or by just plainly watching me. What a great pleasure it is for me to see amazement on their faces! They may be really amused or probably they simply find me hilarious. For whatever reason it is, I’m just pleased that I am able to make their learning experience a lot of fun.
Most interesting of all, I can be a great mom while teaching... at least for practice! Being in-charge of a whole bunch of kids of different abilities, personalities and ethnicities, is no joke. It is definitely not an easy task. But, I’m enjoying every bit of it. There are indeed good and bad days, but it's just all in a day's work of a teacher. At the end of each day, all I can think of is how a certain student has improved, who did a good job or who just needs more of my motherly care. I am just delighted whenever someone tells me how good I am with children even if I don't have my own kids yet, and that they think that I’m going to be a great mom someday. I hope I’d be. I really am looking forward to having kids of my own. I know that all these will happen in God's perfect time. In the meantime, I need to find someone first to build my own family with. 'Guess that's the first step I have to take. Well, that may probably take time, especially in this field. Be that as it may, it doesn't make my passion for this profession any less. :j
My most recent realization was how teaching fulfills all my childhood dream jobs in certain ways. I guess in this profession, I can be everything I want. Wonderin' how's that possible?
For one, I used to dream of being on those pencil-cut skirt, blouse, blazer and scarf, pulling my own little luggage, walking past the passengers who are lined up to board the aircraft. But why be away from family for a flight duty when I can be the flight attendant in my own classroom...or even be the pilot! I am also up on my feet the whole day, developing the same amount of varicose veins as I would 30,000 ft up in the air, just so I can attend to all the needs of my passengers - my students. I used to do this with full make up on (because we were required to) while donning 3-inch stiletto heels. But I’d rather be on flats now just to save myself from more leg pains, which, by the way, I am already experiencing at my "young" age!
And who needs 4 grueling years in the university just to learn how to keep track of financial accounts? Definitely not me! In the first place, with my meager salary, there's not much accounting to do. But seriously, I once proved that I can be an accountant and do simple accounting when I had to handle all the financial aspects of my now defunct tutorial service business. No, it didn't close because of my poor accounting skills. It was because I went here in the US (to live the so-called American dream.) Then again, I can still practice my math skills in teaching when I compute grades! And yes, I do teach math...kindergarten math that is. I love math! But I was just not trained to teach it. So better leave it to the experts. What do you expect? I only had one math subject in my entire 4 years in the university.
Then comes my biggest frustration of all...to be a singer! Yes, I once dreamed of performing on stage belting out Celine Dion hits (just kidding! coz that is way too ambitious of me!) But yeah, seriously, I had my fair share of hilarious stories on how far I went just so I could pursue a career in singing - from voice workshops, band auditions to almost competing with Sarah Geronimo on stage(of course I’m kidding again because I never even made it to the elimination week for I was not fortunate enough to be chosen as one of the four from among those who passed the 2-day audition...but at least I passed!hehe) Anyway, going back, I now know why God gave me a singing voice though He didn't want me to be in showbiz after all. :) First and foremost, He knows I can't handle intrigues! hehe…No... Seriously, I believe I was given the knack (alright, the love...) for singing because I can very well utilize it in the classroom. I now not only sing to my heart's desire... I also dance to the kids' delight! I find myself every morning now singing the Star Spangled Banner the loudest, with feelings, and all the other kiddie songs while my audience (the kids) are having fun either by singing and dancing with me, or by just plainly watching me. What a great pleasure it is for me to see amazement on their faces! They may be really amused or probably they simply find me hilarious. For whatever reason it is, I’m just pleased that I am able to make their learning experience a lot of fun.
Most interesting of all, I can be a great mom while teaching... at least for practice! Being in-charge of a whole bunch of kids of different abilities, personalities and ethnicities, is no joke. It is definitely not an easy task. But, I’m enjoying every bit of it. There are indeed good and bad days, but it's just all in a day's work of a teacher. At the end of each day, all I can think of is how a certain student has improved, who did a good job or who just needs more of my motherly care. I am just delighted whenever someone tells me how good I am with children even if I don't have my own kids yet, and that they think that I’m going to be a great mom someday. I hope I’d be. I really am looking forward to having kids of my own. I know that all these will happen in God's perfect time. In the meantime, I need to find someone first to build my own family with. 'Guess that's the first step I have to take. Well, that may probably take time, especially in this field. Be that as it may, it doesn't make my passion for this profession any less. :j
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
