Worrywart...Worry Not!

It always happens. I worry too much about something and the problem is resolved without any effort. I don't do anything but the problem goes away just like that. And up to now, it still amazes me whenever this happens.

As most people know, I am such a worrier. I fret about almost anything. Just last Saturday, I almost didn't want to drive anymore while in the middle of a highway because I was so stressed out that we seemed like to be just driving and driving, not knowing where to go and my sister was already late for her exam. She was like, "stop it! I'm not even worried. Just drive. " That's just me. I hate being late. There are times I'd worry about the littlest things because I want everything to be the way I want them to. I even have a hard time delegating tasks and I'd rather do things myself because people have disappointed me in the past.

Yesterday, I messed up the Internet connection at work and it almost didn't make me sleep. To my surprise, everything was fine in the morning. Just like that. My assistant told me, "Ms.Jam, why do you have to be stressed out? All you gotta do is call a technician from the internet provider company and they don't even charge you for that." Yeah, I know. But still, I couldn't help but worry.

Then again, worrying doesn't do anything... Not a thing! It just stresses me out and consumes all my energy. When will I ever get that? Actually, I know that already. But I don't know why I still get anxious a lot. Well, I'm already trying not to! I can actually say that I worry less now, for real!

Thank goodness Someone up there does not give up on me. He just let's me be. When I worry, He's the only one I run to. I probably make Him feel special when I call Him for help. I am the type who won't burden other people with my own problems. People actually think that I am so strong that I can do anything. Little do they know that this warrior is a child. It just so happened that my Ultimate Saviour can conquer anything and everything. I call to Him for help for everything. I pray for a parking space...for sunshine...for a green light when I am running late. I pray for finances...for strength...for guidance and wisdom...literally for everything, even the impossible things. I always do, because, it's tried and tested...He answers. He does it without delay. When I call for help, there's never a weak signal...no busy tones...no network problems. He's available, 24/7. And when it isn't the proper time yet, He even blesses me with bonus patience for me to make it through the waiting time.  Who could ever beat that!

With a working visa to renew and an expensive lawyer's fee to pay, the fall semester to enroll to, and tons of other plans for the coming months that require finances, (which I don't have much), sure, I have every reason to worry. But I have more reasons not to, simply because I have a very wealthy, not to mention generous Father, who provides whatever I want and whatever I need, all according to His will.

Truly, we all have a bigger God...bigger than anything we try to overcome. So tonight, as I go to sleep...I'll turn over all my worries to Him. He'll be up all night anyway!:-j




"Don't keep worrying about having something to eat or drink. Only people who don't know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father knows what you need. "(LUKE 12:29, 30 CEV)

I’ll Brag This Time

While changing her pull-ups, 3-year old Sofia suddenly exclaimed in her unintelligible speech, “Mish Jam, ich ameyshing!” What’s amazing? I asked. Once again she said, “Ich ameyshing!” then ran back to the classroom. I just smiled and followed her. Maybe it’s just one of those new words that she just heard again. She just loves repeating whatever she hears.

But Sofia’s right. She just described this day for me. It is truly amazing. Everything that happened today is amazing. Most of all, God is. The way He answers my prayers is just unbelievable.

My executive directress has asked me yesterday to meet with her after work today at the other site. For whatever reason, I didn’t know. But I thought to myself, this is it. I am going to submit the letter that I finished writing just the previous day…a letter of request for a pay raise. I have been contemplating for a while now whether I should ask for it or not. I think that I deserve it, and I felt the need to demand for it since they tend to forget things at times. The somehow gutless that I am, I printed out the letter and told myself that I need to do it today. I have been praying for the right time to do it and I was just presented a perfect opportunity to talk to my directress. On my way to work this morning, I actually prayed to God that hopefully, I will be given a salary increase today, (for some reasons I assumed that’s the agenda of the meeting) and if not, I asked God instead to give me the courage to submit my letter, and discuss it with her in a Christ-like way.

Long story short, to my amazement, I was given a pay raise today! It’s not that much, but hey…an increase is an increase. Big or small, I am thankful for blessings! I didn’t have to submit the letter to my directress. I didn’t have to say a word. I didn’t even have to sell myself and prove to her why I deserve a raise. My Father did all the talking. Talk about having the best spokesperson in the entire world!

Why did I write about this? Simply because I want to brag. No, not about my salary (because believe me, it is definitely not a lot). But I just want to brag about how good the Lord has been to me. I just want to share this good news to everyone! He does answer prayers. Fast. Really. He may not answer it at times exactly the way we want things to turn out, but He always gives what’s best for us. We just have to trust Him.

I don’t have material riches that I can brag about. There are still things that I want to have and dreams that are yet to come true. But I have been and continuously blessed, and I know there’s more to come. I feel it. I claim it! And this is all because of my Father who is so good… and I am just deeply proud of Him. Are you?



“Count the little miracles you receive daily, and proclaim it! You may just help change someone’s life.” - Nova Arias (Didache)

Fallin'

It hurts, still.

Especially when there’s no one to catch you when you fall...

When it leaves wounds that you know will take time to heal...

When there’s no one to blame but yourself...

But what’s good with it is that, every fall reminds me that I can always get up afterwards, no matter how bad it may seem. I’ve always been good at it actually...And I do it fast…really fast! No dwelling too much on the pain, not much shedding of tears. I just stand up again and walk forward, without looking back.

Yes, call me stupid but I fell again... got wounded one more time... and no one was there to catch me. As always, I stood up quickly, and just continued walking...as if nothing happened. I didn’t even bother looking back.

It took a while after I became aware of the damage it caused…

My pants, as well as my underpants (warmer), got ripped at the knees. Then I realized, my knee was bleeding too.

Yes...this morning, on my way to work, a block away from our house... for the third time since I got here in NY, I slipped and fell again! This time, on snow and ice. Funny as it may seem, but the three spots where I had fallen were just a couple of steps away from each other. Never learned my lesson huh?!

Is it trying to tell me something?

Should I change the way I walk? Try another route? Buy another pair of shoes?

Or better yet, should I just look for someone who will be there to catch me the next time I fall?

Whatever it is, as always, I still am ready for the next fall...either to get up on my feet again, or to fall so deep, because I am certain, Someone up there is going to catch me, no matter what happens. ;j

Heart broken...not!

As I write this, my eyes are still heavy and puffy due to crying. If I remember it right, the last time I cried this hard was when I got my heart broken. Today was different. I cried, not because I was hurt, but because I felt renewed and rejuvenated, and most of all because my heart was made whole... I, was made whole.

I still have problems, fears and worries, but as I received the Holy Spirit today, I allowed the Lord to take over my life. It was an amazing experience and at the same time, it was so humbling, refreshing, restorative and strengthening. I didn’t expect to be so emotional as I was prayed over by the people in my SFL-NY community. The moment my household leader mentioned that I was there to commit myself to the Lord, tears started to run down my face. I didn’t know why, but I claimed that it was the Holy Spirit working within me. I cried for a good 30 or 45 minutes, and while still praying on my own afterwards, I felt and realized that the tears are the hurts and pains I have kept in my heart all this time, and God is taking all of them away.

Truly, He gives us more than what we ask for, what we need, and what we deserve. I just wanted to be of service to Him, through my service in the community, as my way of giving back whatever blessings He has showered me with, and yet, He even gave me profits when I have just started!

Isn't that just awesome?! :j

Lost and found...Found and lost...

She was in oblivion, trying to find the perfect Valentines’ day card in a vast, not to mention, dizzying array of greeting cards on the rack, when a familiar song suddenly played in the background...

“Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I found is too good to be true…”

She has been constantly and repeatedly listening to that song in her iPod for weeks now, but still it never fails to make her heart leap whenever she hears it. It amazed her that of all the songs that could possibly be played, she would hear this particular song that very moment! This time, she smiled more than ever, with the thought that everything in the universe seems to conspire and tell her that things will happen her way…


“Let them say we’re (maybe she is!) crazy
I don’t care about that…


…And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing’s gonna stop us (or only her) now…”



Valentines’ day is still a month away but the love-struck gal is already planning to send a love note to the one she thinks is God’s gift to her. She just wants it to get to him just in time for the occasion, and being that the east, where he is, is thousands of miles away from the west, where she is, things have to be done way too advanced.


Okay...

The truth of the matter is that…she doesn’t know exactly where to send it. Mind you, she is not only love-struck as I initially described her... she is a hopeless romantic, love-struck individual who finds meaning in everything (and every song!), and believes that if it’s meant to be, love will always find its way…(when the clouds have no silver lining?!)…Did I just mention she finds meaning in every song?

No, she doesn’t know his exact address. She only knows the name of the company where he works for. So with the help of google search engine, she tried to search for the address of the company only to find out that the company has a lot of branch offices, not to mention project sites in that country where he is.

Uncertain of the address, but certain of her love for him, she mailed the card anyway. It didn’t make her feel more certain when she had to pay only 89cents at the post office.

“I’m sorry, did you say 89 cents? Are you sure? I’m sending it to the middle east. You know that, right?”, she asked the lady behind the window.


“Yes, 89 cents.”, she replied.

So with a lack of absolute certainty, she paid for it, dropped it in the mailbox and left. She was excited about it and never told the object of her affection because she wanted to surprise him.


Valentines’ day came...and passed, and she didn’t hear even a simple thank you from him. It’s not because he was ungrateful, nor indifferent, but, she just had to assume her love just “didn’t find its way.”

Weeks passed and she finally couldn’t help but ask him about it.

She was right. He never received anything. She didn’t want to think that they’re not meant to be, so she simply shrugged off the idea and continued to believe that soon, they’ll be together as planned.

Everything went fine as the weeks and months passed, until slowly, things started to change…no more everyday long distance calls...no more long emails... and weeks would even pass without a word from him.

Little by little, she felt things are falling apart, until one day, she just felt hat it was time for her to move on…the second time around.

No, there was no commitment between them, though it seemed there was. No strings attached, as they both say.

It was not a change of heart for any of them. She still loves him, but she had to let go because it was the right thing to do. And for him, it wasn’t actually a change of heart. He just had to go back to where his heart really was all these time. She believed he loved her, but maybe not the way she loved him, for he loves someone else more. Consequently, she tried to accept the truth, not because she wanted to, but because she had to, and decided to let go, without asking for any explanations. She did hope for the best, but was ready also to expect the worst from the very beginning.

Let go, before it hurts even more…her heart and mind told her.

And so she did.

They remained friends after all that has happened. He is more than happy and in love with someone else now, while she, though still hasn’t found someone, wakes up every morning feeling so blessed and still full of love in her heart. She finally realized that he was brought to her life again (after more than four years) for a reason. The reason was actually not to break her heart, but more of to make it whole once again. He helped her pick up the pieces of her broken heart and start anew, just when she needed it most.

She believes ex-lovers can’t be friends. They were never lovers...at least not officially. So they can still be friends. And they did stay as good friends, maybe not in love, but in God.

And the card? It wouldn’t be a story of a message in a bottle...of a love lost and found…because after almost 10 months, he finally received it.

No, she didn’t give it a new meaning anymore.

It was nothing but a story of a card lost, and found when the love was already lost.