All Geared Up

It’s amazing how God works in mysterious but truly wonderful and beautiful ways. In life, we just have to entrust our life to Him and He will take charge of everything.­

No matter how strong, smart intelligent or capable we think we are, there will come a time that we will feel weak, unable and hopeless. Just recently, I felt I hit rock bottom. I found the strength and the willpower to rise above everything when I realized I just have to surrender everything to God. I do have faith in Him; but because of what I have already achieved in life and what I have become through the years, I sort of have that pride which prevents me from completely admitting that I do have weaknesses and that I may fail still in this journey called life. This seemed to be hard for me especially when people around me expect too much from me. I have created this wall that no one can see through me. All they see is the strong and able me.­

Being where I am right now brought me into the biggest realization I ever had. I felt depressed, stressed and almost a failure. I almost gave up my dreams and decided to just go back to the life I had before. It’s not that it’s dreadful or that unpleasant. It’s just harder than where I am right now, and going back to that, I feel, would make me give up some of what I think are far-fetched, but achievable dreams of mine. And should I decide to still pursue them would be quite a long and laborious journey.

The storm has passed, and I am just taking the drizzly weather in stride. I know that storms do come and go, but I know I can endure whatever it is that the seasons in my life would bring, especially when I am assured that God is there to provide me with a proper and complete gear all the time – may it be an umbrella on a rainy and stormy day, a thick jacket during the cold weather, or even boots to take the hard walk on snow during the winter season. Because through it all, God wants us, His children, to enjoy the beauty of the flowers and the trees that bloom in springtime, and the warmth and laughter that the sunshine brings in summer time.

Big 1

This was the very same day that I left the Philippines a year ago.

Even before I was able to set foot in the airport, it already dawned on me that things will never be the same again. Nothing was certain…nothing was clear. I left with nothing but hope and my deep prayers in hand.

For the first time, I was at the airport last year, not as a well-wisher, but the one being sent away. It was hard to leave because I would be leaving the life that I used to have for 27 years of my life. I would be thousands of miles away from my family and loved ones, indefinitely. I left everything behind to fulfill my so-called American dream. To add more drama into it, I got engaged in the middle of people lining up to get their passports and tickets checked at the entrance of the airport.

A year has just passed…

I’ve been through so many ups and downs.
I’ve been sick and well.
I went from engaged to being single.
I’ve been happy and sad.

But most important of all, I was blessed just tremendously. Let me count some of my blessings here:

I used to be jobless, but now, I have work even on weekends.

I went from tourist, to student, and soon, God-willingly, to working visa.

I have my very adorable, smart, and fun-loving, not to mention handsome nephew, Leon, who never fails to lift me up with his very contagious and jaw-locking smile and laughter.

Free board and lodging all this time in NY! Thanks to my sis and bro-in-law, from whom Leon inherited his good looks (ahem..)

I am able to help my family little by little. God also made me able to send Daf to school.

I am continuously improving myself in a lot of ways.

I am given the wonderful opportunity to experience life here in the so-called land of milk and honey, and see for myself if the grass is really greener here on this side.

And the list goes on and on and on... These and so much more are reasons enough to be grateful to the Lord.

"1" is such a big number for me.

There’s just so much in one... so much blessings in just one year.

I am a nurturer...

Link

Then and Now

Then: I wouldn’t give a damn cooking at home...mommy’s there anyway!
Now: I would turn off the tv just so I could learn from my sister’s cooking. I even cook on my own now!

Then: I’d do the laundry while surfing the net or watching tv
Now: I go to Laundromat and wait for the laundry to finish in an hour or two while sitting and listening repeatedly to the 6 songs uploaded in my cellphone

Then: Bobby or I would usually insist on washing the dishes after eating
Now: I miss to have someone who’d insist washing the dishes for me

Then: I didn’t have a sense of direction
Now: I’m developing this skill little by little with a little bit of help from my subway map

Then: I’d rather take the jeepney or tricycle even if my destination is just a few blocks away
Now: I’d rather walk than take the bus to my unknown and unfamiliar destinations for fear of missing the bus stop where I should get off

Then: I’d rather take the car and spend on gas than commute
Now: I’d rather commute not because it’s too hard to find a parking space, but because I don’t have a car!

Then: I couldn’t endure walking at shopping malls for more than an hour...my legs would hurt a lot!
Now: I could walk around malls for 6 long hours and feel no pain...even if I didn’t buy anything at all.

Then: I’d miss Bobby even after we’ve just parted
Now: I miss Bobby even after we’ve just chatted

Then: I am my own boss
Now: I am unwaged and in search of a job


It has only been 2 weeks and 6 days and a lot has changed already. Things do really happen for a purpose and I guess God has a lot in store for me here. There are ups and downs, but I am learning a lot being in a new place. Quite a short span of time has passed, but things have changed significantly. It was just like yesterday...I was just dreaming, planning and praying then... Now, I am trying to survive, live and fulfill this dream...this so-called “American dream”.

A Proposal Extraordinaire

There was no kneeling in front of me…He didn’t pop the question, “Will you marry me?” nor I cried while saying “Yes, I will marry you…”

None of these happened. Instead, everything was so extraordinarily simple, yet unforgettable.

He sent me up to the entrance of the airport. Then he brought out a small black box from his pocket, opened it, and put on my finger, a ring. All that he was able to say was, “Babalikan mo ako ha…” while I managed to say “Oo naman…”

Then I left, crying. He texted me afterwards and said, “Marry me when you get back.”

Tears flooded down my face. I was actually crying already even before that, for it was my day of departure for the US. I cried even more because I am leaving him, indefinitely.

It may have happened not over a candlelight dinner, with musicians playing romantic music…not the usual marriage proposals that we usually see in movies. But I may say that, there couldn’t have been a more perfect moment and a more memorable place than where it all transpired.

I will surely marry him when I get back…and live together, a life extraordinaire.